Doofenshmirtz's Decision
by Atomius
Summary: Doofenshmirtz contemplates whether he has made the right choice in trying to take over the Tri-State Area, and Phineas and Ferb help Candace to ask out Jeremy.


Doofenshmirtz's Decision

It was a fine summer day and the evil Doctor Doofenshmirtz had nothing on his to do list, and, being somewhat exhausted from his previous attempts to take over the Tri-State Area, and to defeat his arch nemesis Perry the platypus- he had decided, or rather subconciously was told to- to nothing. So, relaxing on his skyscraper top courtyard in a reclining chair or deck chair, such as are used at beaches and so forth- holding a half drunken glass of cordial and reading casually the Sunday Times, for a Sunday it was- he had nothing to think about. His daughter Vanessa was of course on her school holidays, and his ex wife was busy at work learning to cook some strange European dish at the cookery classes she had been attending all Summer- a class Doofenshmirtz thought was ridiculous and time wasting. After all, why not just buy a burger? Well... perhaps some people think differently, thought Doofenshmirtz to himself, drinking the red coloured cordial, which tasted of lemons for some reason, perhaps these days people had so much time they needed to spend it doing something... However boring... Which got him thinking. What if he was wasting his life trying to take over the Tri-State Area? What if his ex wife, in learning to cook these strange foreign dishes, was achieving more than he was in attempting to gain total domination over the whole Tri-State Area? Was he really doing what he wanted to? What was best? What served his ego, his pride, his very personality's desires? Was controlling the Tri-State Area his only dream? Well... he thought contemplatively as he slurped the last few drops of the red cordial from their position at the bottom of the plastic cup he was holding... well... certainly he had once had other dreams... But in his bid to take over the Tri-State Area had he forgotten these in favor of his newer one? Had he forgotten, for instance, his dream of creating a steam powered airship? That could fly around the entire planet in but 80 days? No... he thought... such things were pointless and had been done before... By that Jules Verne fellow... the frenchman... the famous aviator... or was it inventor... he thought to himself- Having not read any Verne works and but having only known of, rather than having read of, the exploits of Phileas Fogg- and of course having confused the memories over time. Perhaps he could pursue his dream of creating a successful chain of evil ice cream parlours and make an empire of them? No... no... His brother, his hated brother the Mayor, had already done that before... but of course under good designs. Perhaps he could create an entire galaxy to rule? No... he was getting ahead of himself there... Perhaps he'd watch some cartoons. He, in his infinite wisdom of practical design, had placed a television set on his rooftop courtyard- and switched it on. A theme sequence was playing. "Bah... kids these days... all they see is this load of rubbish... back in my days cartoons were great... and now look at what they're watching! What idiot would seriously care to watch a show about a teenage girl who fights evil villains whilst living an ordinary life at high school as well? If you ask me, Perry the platypus, this Kim Possible show is stupid and a waste of airspa- Perry the platypus!?"

Meanwhile Phineas and Ferb were in a similar state of relaxed restfulness. Not wishing to waste the day doing nothing, however, they contrived to think within their creative young minds of all the possible things they could do. And found nothing. Nothing, it seemed, could they think of. It was as if their minds had been blanked- erased and replaced with endless nothingness. Shut down. Put on a never ending standby mode. Switched to a blank screensaver. And perhaps a few other computer analogies might work. The point is that with such barren imagination- the boys had nothing better to do than observe what those about them were doing. "Hey Ferb... I don't know why I can't think of anything to do... Maybe it's amnesia or something from when we bumped our heads whilst building that pyramid yesterday... All I know is that we've got to do something... or we'll get bored! And this is Summer! Hey, I know- we'll see what Candace is doing!" So Phineas and Ferb went to Candace, who was talking to Stacy on her mobile phone, sitting on the sofa chair, with a smile on her countenance that said in bright neon lettering 'I am talking about Jeremy'. Phineas and Ferb, who were polite boys, listened quietly as Candace talked to Stacy, every few seconds emitting that trademark scream of hers. "I know Stacy... It's wonderful! Oh I know... And you'll never guess what he asked... I know! It's incredible! I know... I know... Oh I know Stacy... Isn't it simply wonderful? I know... Oh I know... I know Stacy... And then he... I know..." At which point, the boys, having become exceeding bored by all this drudgery, decided to intervene. "Hey Candace" said Phineas, with an inquiring look about his countenance that did not bode well for Candace's privacy. "Phineas- can't you see I'm on the phone talking to Stacy?" "Sorry, Candace- but it's just that we couldn't help hearing you talking about Jeremy..." "And?" "And I think I know what we're going to do today!" "What?" "Listen... you want to ask Jeremy out, right?" "Of course... but I fail to see..." "Well we'll help you. We'll help you ask Jeremy out, seeing as we've nothing better to do today" "But what could you do?" "Oh, me and Ferb have some ideas. Come on Ferb, let's go get some things we'll need!"

Meanwhile Doofenshmirtz was engaged in polite conversation with Perry, who, realising his enemy wasn't up to anything, had decided to take a day off. "So Perry, how about a game of mini golf? I have a set up over in that corner of my courtyard... And the wind is so low that it would be ideal putting conditions" Perry followed Doofenshmirtz to the mini golf green which was about the size of a house, but of course, not nearly as tall. They played golf, Perry using a special small golf club that Doofenshmirtz gave him ("It is a Doofenshmirtz family heirloom... the one thing given to me by my father that wasn't given to my brother when he died- it belonged to my great great great great great grandfather, who was a trifle short"), and had a most glorious time. Afterwards they had a small meal of bread, cheese, and some fine meats. "You know Perry... I've been thinking... spending time together is such fun... Maybe I am not cut out to take over the Tri-State-Area... maybe I should befriend and play with platypuses... That must be my destiny! Come on Perry, let's be friends rather than enemies..." Perry shook hands solemnly with his former enemy and they continued eating until they finished two bottles of cola at which point Doofenshmirtz, who had come up with an idea, stood up, cracked his bent back into an upstanding shape, sighed as it fell back into it's old position, and then went to his television set. "Perry... seeing as we are now friends... I hoped you might like to stay with me tonight and watch some tv... I feel so lonely up here..." Perry, knowing his commitment to being Phineas and Ferb's pet, and Monogram's agent, knew this was impossible... so... being careful to preserve this newfound alliance with Doofenshmirtz, he patted him on the back and made signs to indicate he was needed elsewhere, but, giving Doofenshmirtz a walkie-talkie, told him by signs that whenever he was free he'd come over to play and watch tv. Doofenshmirtz gave Perry a hug and said tearfully "You are a great friend Perry"

Meanwhile Phineas and Ferb were helping Candace to look her best. "If you're to ask out Jeremy you should look your finest, show him you're good quality material" said Phineas, with the air of an advertising businessman. Ferb got set trimming her hair where it had grown too long, and brushing her dress and shirt down with a clothes brush. Phineas washed Candace's hands and feet with soap water until no dirt was in her fingernail vicinities. "Wow" said Candace, looking at herself in the mirror Phineas held before her, "You guys are the best! I never knew you could be so helpful and kind... what with thinking you were always up to something... trying to bust you and all... I never realised how nice you are!" Phineas then said "Oh, you're being too kind. Come on, let's find Jeremy. Then you can ask him out. But, here's our special secret" "Not that we have had previous experience asking Jeremy out" Ferb interjected. "Our special secret is to give you a nice dose of perfume. Now usually perfumes are actually quite repulsive and stinky" Candace then said "But you're boys, you'd think that" "No Candace- we know that. They smell awful... If you want Jeremy to like you you should wear this perfume. Eau de Candace." "What is it?" "It's a perfume we created a few weeks back when we spent the day being chemists in that laboratory we built... We named it after you-" "Oh how sweet" "- because it was very paranoid and crazy smelling- but of course in a good way." "Oh... that's... nice."

Doofenshmirtz was watching an episode of Seinfeld when a knock came to his door. "Oh come on... This is my favorite episode and everything... Wait a minute... Could it be?" he thought to himself, thinking that perhaps for the first time in history Perry wasn't smashing down his door but knocking politely? But it was not to be for it was his daughter Vanessa and his ex wife. "Oh hello Vanessa... Hello dear... What an unexpected surprise!" Doofenshmirtz's ex wife then said "Unexpected? We come round every month!" "Oh yes... well you see... er... oh dear me... I was expecting a platypus..." Doofenshmirtz's wife then said "Platypus? Oh you must mean that pet platypus Vanessa keeps talking about... the one that appears in her crazy stories about you being an evil scientist... I think if she was your son she'd be a mummy's boy... Never much cared for you, have you, Vanessa?" Vanessa then said "Mum, don't embarass me... But it's all true I tell you! I tried to bust him... he is an evil scientist, with evil inventions, I tell you! And that platypus secret agent... I bet he's here too!" Doofenshmirtz then said "Well as a matter of a fact Perry and I have become friends" Doofenshmirtz's wife then said "So this platypus, he is real?" "Yes dear... but we used to be enemies... ah... best of enemies... now we are just good friends. Ah here he is- Hello Perry old chap, have a seat!" Doofenshmirtz's wife and daughter then looked past the window where Perry was standing observing them on the sill. He made his platypus noise and didn't move. "Oh this dear thing? Vanessa... I never realised you were telling the truth when you were talking about Doofenshmirtz having a pet platypus... When did you get it Heinz?" "Oh well... er... actually..." Vanessa then said "But mum, all the stuff I said about dad being evil is true too! Perry is a secret agent and..." "Oh Vanessa, I see... you and your father play games with Perry! How nice... and imaginative! Nice to see you taking an interest in animals... You know when I was a young girl I had a pet rabbit called Fluffy and..."

Phineas and Ferb's mother and father returned from a trip to the supermarket laden with bags of shopping. Whilst Phineas' father unpacked his mother came into the living room and observed the boys with Candace. They were giving her clothes one last brushing to make them absolutely free of dust. "Well isn't that nice boys... Spending some quality time with your sister... Even getting to enjoy the things she does... This is what makes me feel I've done a bang up job raising you three... Come in here dear, see what the boys are doing!" "What... oh hello boys... Making Candace look pretty are you? That's nice... I thought you'd be playing one of your imagination games in the back yard. You know... discovering new continents and fighting aliens and shooting indians and such. It's nice to see you spending some time with your sister once in a while. I bet she appreciates it" Candace was smiling and very happy and, with some shiny jewellery given her by Phineas and Ferb to look extra nice, they took her to the Mall.

Meanwhile Doofenshmirtz's ex wife sat in a chair facing her ex husband whilst their daughter sat facing the direction south to their east-west sitting position in a third chair, making a club shape when viewed from above. In between the three chairs was a coffee table. "So dear, do you like my skyscraper top relaxation area? I come here after a hard day's work... You know... it's hard running a large company all day long, you need somewhere to just sit back and relax- Ooh- did I show you my electric sky light? You see I just press this button... Wait- Perry, you are closer to it, you press the button! Okay, now see how the sky light shield unravels and reveals the sun's rays! Isn't it modern and efficient?" "It certainly is dear... And how cute that you've trained your pet to press buttons! but... tell me again... My memory fails me... What does your company do?" "Oh... well it... administers various things..." "Evil things" interrupted Vanessa. "Oh don't be silly dear, I'm sure your father isn't evil... Evil people are like fairies and dragons, they belong to the realm of fiction! Sorry dear but our daughter really has a terribly imaginative mind... I think she gets it from those gothic friends of hers- So imaginative... yet... so weird" ''Mom I'm not weird- I tell you that dad is evil! pure evil! When we're together we fight Perry and dad tries to take over the Tri-State Area!" "Preposterous Vanessa. Now make yourself useful and fetch your father and I a nice cold glass of lemonade each would you? We've some catching up to do... I want to tell him about my latest endeavour- knitting a sweater!"

Meanwhile whilst Perry was pretending to be a common house pet Phineas and Ferb had taken Candace to the Mall, where, spying Jeremy with some of his friends, they told her to go speak with him. Candace did, but, her nerves failing her all of a sudden, she retreated in that superstitious fear that plagues young minds- and Phineas and Ferb gave her explicit instructions to go back at once. So she did, and she talked to Jeremy as if it was a chance encounter. "Oh Jeremy I like that shirt you're wearing... It's very nice" "I always wear this shirt Candace" "Yes... yes... but isn't it so soft... I mean, it looks soft... I mean it's nice looking... I mean..." Phineas called quietly to Candace "Now's your chance... ask him out..." So Candace did that in the nicest prettiest manner possible and Jeremy said that of course he would go see a movie with Candace and so they went that night to see a movie. Meanwhile Phineas and Ferb sat behind them and whenever anything went wrong they caused a distraction by crunching on popcorn and so forth, so that Candace said the right thing at the right time.

Now it may appear to the reader somewhat odd that Phineas and Ferb, two perfectly intelligent boys and rational and sane in their judgements- two boys with hearts of gold and a pure and honest innocence of manner- would think in their wisdom it appropriate for Candace to dress up fancily in order to attract Jeremy's attention... and certainly, knowing as they did that Candace loved Jeremy and vice versa, that it was completely unecessary to dress her up so- it might seem odd mightn't it? But let us remember that in no way did they dress her in an exxagerated fashion. No makeup was put on her more than would be considered normal, and they had really merely tidied her up, brushed the dust off her clothes and given her a good tooth brushing and hair straightening where required. So they had merely enhanced her natural beauty rather than resorted to creating an entirely fake facade for Jeremy to fall for. And now let us return to the story at hand.

And so Jeremy and Candace did watch the film, which went for a good two hours or thereabouts- and did enjoy it magnificently. It would not be true to say this was the beginning of a drastic change for Candace, but, certainly, this was the beginning for a change in her relationship with Jeremy, as now, both parties felt they were officially in a relationship- and this propelled them beyond the limits of being casual acquaintances and into that realm of friendship which is such nourishment to a future togetherness. Would they get married? Well let us not skip forth so hurriedly to find out. Let us merely say quite frankly that Candace and Jeremy were now at ease to go out and be seen together- and that Candace's phone calls to Stacy would be of a similar, but advanced discussion.

Right so- this was all fine and dandy but meanwhile Doofenshmirtz and his ex wife were enjoying a relaxing sit down, sipping ice cool lemonade brought them by their daughter Vanessa (who was not at all inclined to slavery). This situation seemed perfectly under control, until, having one of those sudden thoughts so common to mankind's brain, Doofenshmirtz thought once more of what he should do with his life henceforth. Trying to take over the Tri-State Area was beginning to seem pointless. But then again playing a game of chess seemed to him perfectly pointless but some people spent hours mastering it. A sudden inclination to be evil surged throughout his neurone network and all of a sudden he desired to take over the Tri-State Area with some foolish and easily fallible scheme. Perry had not noticed this abrupt change, but Doofenshmirtz's ex wife had noticed a certain twinkle in her ex husband's eye which seemed out of place. "Dear" she began, "Are you sure that your company is... administrative in it's profession? I mean... it seems that you spend very little time doing any office work... and I never knew you to be a skilled typist or businessman... Also dear, your workers- they are dressed somewhat oddly for businessmen... like laboratory assistants... and... it seems that your company makes no product... What is it again, precisely, that your company does dear?" "We... er... we are the administrative wing for a global plastics organisation... er... Globoplastalic... er... Enterprises... Yes" "Hmm... you know... my daughter was never so imaginative until we split up... until then she seemed perfectly normal... I'm beginning to think she ought to spend more time with you" "Oh no mom, I tell you he'll make me his evil assistant all the time! He has these evil machines... and I hate evil!" "Yes dear, we all do, hmm... You know dear I think our daughter should see a psychiatrist... She really has lost her mind. It's that gothic subculture she likes that does it I'll bet... all that talk of such unwholesome things as death and pain... Really does not instill within her a sense of normalcy and sanity..." "Well she seems to hate evil... So it can't be that bad..." "You know it seems quite the paradox... Well I guess us old timers will never understand our kids... This generation what with their mobile phones and computers... Are so different from us" "True dear"

And so after a few hours Doofenshmirtz's ex wife and daughter left him alone with Perry, who, observing his former enemy closely, noted a strange smile spread across his face. "So, Perry the platypus! At last I have you under my power!" Doofenshmirtz then pressed a red button which sent a trap down upon Perry, who, trapped within the metal cage, was umnable to escape. But, thinking quickly, Perry devised a method of escape. He shook the cage until it fell over. "Curse you, Perry the platypus!... You know... Now i come to think of it i should really have given that cage a bottom... or made it heavier... Next time i'll use lead rather than aluminium!"

Yes, for Doofenshmirtz knew that, after thinking it over, that the problem he had had with being evil was his failure to achieve anything in life... But being evil, and achieving evil aims, were aims enough for any man, he thought- So he decided, and with logic backing his decision, to stay the course and remain evil. Perry of course never entertained any real hatred of the fellow, but once more swords were drawn at the ready for a succession of battles, each more interesting and weird than the last.

And so as Perry went back home by way of the secret underground suction tunnel so did Candace and Jeremy go their separate ways to their respective homes, happily confident at last their relationship ice was broken splendidly. And Phineas and Ferb, successful in their daily mission, having got home and welcomed their pet who appeared to have been spending the day in the backyard under the old tree, sat down by him and looked up at the clouds. "You know Phineas" said Ferb, turning to his brother with his usual drab look, "I think tommorow we'll build a time machine" "Yeah Ferb... a time machine..."


End file.
